Suppose you are single (if you are, great). If you walk down the street and see a person you would like to date, what comes to your mind? Do you turn around and think, “he/she is not going to like me” or do you ask yourself “how can I catch his/her attention?” Say you actually go on a date with someone you like, what do you think when you go home?
- “I wonder what she/he thought, probably won’t call me again” – and then go over the 1000 reasons why the other person wouldn’t like you, or
- “I had such a good time, I’m very happy I met such an interesting person” – and then leave it at that, on a positive note, while proceeding to focus only on the positive things.
Notice how one set of remarks is self-defeating, and reflect doubt, while the other is reaffirming and challenges you to think in a more positive note. The way you approach this and many other situations has a striking effect on what you achieve. The more we focus on what we don’t have, don’t want, don’t deserve, the more time we are wasting that we could be using to be happy and enjoy our day. We could also use this time instead to figure out ways to improve our situation!
Robert Kiyosaki wrote in his bestselling book:Rich Dad Poor Dad
…rich dad required his children to say, “How can I afford it?” His reasoning, the words “I can’t afford it” shut down your brain. It didn’t have to think anymore. “How can I afford it?” opened up the brain. Forced it to think and search for answers.
The more we make self-defeating remarks, or allow ourselves to focus on such thoughts, the more we hinder our ability to progress and make a difference. No matter how big or small is the goal we aim to achieve, if we do not have a positive attitude towards it, we already failed. This does not only apply to relationship or money issues, but anything you want to achieve. When we say “I can’t stop eating chocolate,” you unconsciously (sometimes consciously!) put yourself in situations in which the process of doing so is facilitated. You find yourself walking through the mall and taking the route that makes you pass right in front of the Godiva store. You think again, “gosh, if I could stop eating chocolate,” and you stare at it just long enough that next thing you know you are eating it. Every step of the way you were unconsciously operating under the affirmation of “I can’t stop.”
Pay close attention to what you say, and what you believe about yourself. When you study the most successful people out there, even those that started with very little or nothing, they all had motivation and confidence in what they were doing. Contrary to what many believe, this self-confidence and drive to succeed is something you can train yourself to have, and not something that is an inherent part of your personality. And this is good news!
As it was said in the book by Rhonda Byrne, The Secret, what you have done up until today, and what you have achieved so far, are the consequences of what you were thinking in the past and what that thinking attracted to your life. This, however, doesn’t define who you are as a person, or who you will be. By shifting the way you approach situations, and start smiling when you used to frown, start asking “how?” instead of saying “can’t”, you start to attract better things & open your eyes to new opportunities in your life.
Try it, what do you have to lose? A few days of being bitter about life? I think you can afford to lose them. I have never seen anyone get any substantial benefit out of being pessimistic and/or self-defeating, have you?
Have anything to share? Anything to say? An opinion? Please leave a comment!